Sorrow

Take care was your last text to me. What if I don't want to take care of myselft?
What if I want you to take care of me?

I stopped texting first, I stop calling first. I stopped trying to reach out first.
Because I think I've had enough already.

I stopped expecting too much from people because I don't want to get hurt.
Maybe sometimes we just need to accept the truth and move forward.

Lately, I did something that I don't think I will do.

I learn to block people on twitter, I learn to not reply fast on whatsapp.
Because before this I tend to ignore some people, but they keep make me uncomfortable with some rude words, so blocking them is a good choice.
And yes, I'm tired to reply fast to some people. Because they'll never reply my text quickly.

Well, at least I feel much happier.

I am just done trying to offer a help. I am the one who needs help.

I just want someone to hug me so I could cry and cry all I want while they tell me that it's okay and it will be fine in the end.

Thanks to the rain for being there when no one was there.
Thanks to the rain for drench me with love when no one was there.
Thanks to the rain for hiding my tears when no one was there.

It feel something when crying in the rain.

Walking in the rain, all my clothes is soaked.
Tried to rhyme but I just choked.


***********

Suicidal thought keep relieving me.
No one cares because no one believe in me.
But I gotta keep my sight up.
I gotta do it for my family so that we can light up.

The urge to cut myself again...
Hello blade, it's nice to see you. Long time no see.

I'm sorry that i failed to keep my promises.
I'm sorry that i cut my arms again.
And yes i regret cutting my hand using a dull knife.
Its so painful yet so satisfying.

Don't worry I wont show you the worst cut because this was the sketch before the real cut, not yet the real cut.

I mean that just me trying to test my knife is sharp enough.

No worries I'm fine.

They're the people that hides everything under their sleeves.

*****
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Sometimes I ask myself why do I feel alone.
Maybe I should hold on a little longer.
But I'm just trying to get myself out of the dark.

I said I'm fine, but I lied.
Cause you don't wanna know what goes up in my mind.

I said I'm alright and then I cried.
cause you don't know the mess that I am at night.

Dear reader, you might be depressed, sad or in pain.
But always remember that there will be happy days in your life.
I want you to keep your head up and know that I love you no matter who you are.

Fix your attitude.
Do better, be better, be wiser.

Fix yourself, dear self.