Have you ever felt that you felt nothing?
It's like you don't have any feeling but that no feeling is a feeling.
Have you ever stay still when you take shower?
Like you just let all the water flow free over your body.
And you start crying?
Or have you ever do something but your minds are not there?
Like you are there but you are not there?
And you don't understand what are you doing exactly?
Sometimes you think that you want to disappear, but all you really want is to be found.
I guess it true. Well yeah. I want to run away. Away from other people.
But deep inside, I'm alone. I need someone by my side.
Lately I was haunted by my own past. My darkest time.
The moment I hate the most. The things that I thought will never happen to me.
But it happened.
I hate myself since that thing happened. I might looks happy outside but not inside.
I'm screaming inside. Why I should be this dirty? And why me?
I shouldn't involved in that dark world. But what I can do? I'm just plain stupid at that time.
I tried to forget it but I can't. It keep coming and crushing me.
I don't know who to talk to. I don't know where I can share my stories.
Those who know my story just love to take advantage on me. And I hate that.
What's the point to share your problem with friend that you trust but they betrayed you?
Some of the reason why I talk to friend that I knew on social media was that they don't judge me.
And luckily I got a very good soulmate, a very good friend. Sometimes I talk to stranger too.
It was so calming because I could express my heart without being judged.
Although there're several times that I want to delete this life.
Ada mimpi yang kita nak ia jadi realiti.
Ada mimpi yang kita nak ia kekal jadi mimpi.
Dan aku harap kebanyakkan mimpi aku kekal mimpi.
Ada satu ketika, kita rasa macam nak hentikan masa yang berlalu.
Sebab kita tak nak dengar apa yang kita perlu dengar.
Kita tak nak tengok apa yang kita patut tengok.
Kita tak nak terima apa yang patut kita terima.
Tapi dalam hidup tak wujud kebetulan.
Semuanya adalah takdir tuhan.
Maybe it's time to take rest and stop chasing after people who never even took their time to glance back at you. Maybe it's time to see what's best within yourself. Not only in anybody else.
"But don't you ever feel the urge to speak to strangers?" she asked.
"To ask them about their lives?" I asked her back.
"Don't you ever wonder what helps them fall asleep, and what keep them awake at night?"
I'm speechless.
"Life becomes more meaningful when you realize the simple fact that you'll never get the same moment twice."
