Tulis Dari Hati, Baru Dapat Menyentuh Hati

Tuesday, November 27, 2018

Masalah

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"Allah jadikan kegelapan sebab nak bagi kita nampak bintang."
- Nicah -




"Kau tahu kenapa Allah jadikan gelap?"
"Tak..."
"Allah jadikan gelap sebab nak bagi kita nampak bintang."
"Patutlah ramai nampak aku."
"Eh? Kenapa?"
"Najmi kan maksudnya bintang."
"......."
"Ok tak jadi."


Sengih



Selalu orang marah sebab gelap. Katanya tak boleh nak melihat.
Selalu juga orang lupa. Tanpa gelap macam mana nak nampak bintang.


Tanpa rasa lapar, macam mana nak rasa kenyang?
Tanpa rasa ngantuk, macam mana nak rasa sedapnya berdengkur tidur? eheh
Tanpa malam, macam mana nak nampak bulan yang sedang merembang?
Tanpa gelap, macam mana nak nampak Najmi bintang?


Tak semua yang kita rancang akan jadi.
Dan tak semua yang jadi kita rancang.
Kita sebagai manusia, ada benda yang kat dunia ni yang kita tak mampu nak kawal.
Tuhan sahaja sebaik-baik perancang.

Kau kena ingat tu


Nak jadi driver yang hebat, mestilah kena lalui liku dan selekoh yang mecabar.
Nak jadi peluncur handal, mesti kena alami pelbagai situasi air, gelora, sejuk.
Nak jadi pilot yang expert, mesti pernah tempuhi langit yang bergelora, awan tebal, angin kencang.
Nak jadi legend, mesti pernah lalui masa yang mencabar dalam kehidupan
Dan, legend mana boleh putus asa.

Semuanya perlukan proses. Allah nak jadikan bayi pun ambil masa 9 bulan 10 hari.
Bukan Dia tak boleh jadikan sekelip mata, tapi dia nak kita tahu, semua kejadian ada proses.

Ada masalah, jangan terus salahkan orang lain, salahkan tuhan, salahkan semut.
Sampai bila nak jadi bangau? Asyik menyalahkan orang lain.
Allah bagi ujian, nak bagi kita kuat.
Aku pernah cakap ni dulu.

Hidup ni macam lebuhraya.
Kalau tegak je kita senang leka, senang ngantuk.
Dengan selekoh dan lekuk yang ada akan buat kita lebih alert dan berhati-hati



Jatuh tergolek dirempuh ujian.
Menangis bagai air hujan.
Hati berkecai berkaca-kaca


"Kenapa nak lalui jalan hijrah ni derita sangat?"
"Sebab ni bukan jalan hijrah biasa. Ni jalan ke syurga."


Orang kata jalan hijrah ni susah, orang lupa jalan nak ke syurga mana pernah mudah.
Jangan jadikan alasan payah tu alasan kau tak nak berubah.
Nak jadi orang beriman, memang akan hadapi ujian, dugaan dan cabaran.
Cuma terpulanglah pada diri masing-masing macam mana nak hadapi ujian dan masalah yang mendatang.


Tahu tak kenapa Islam ni agama yang indah?
Sebab kita ada Allah. Allah Maha Adil
Allah tengok semua usaha kita nak berubah.
Bukan terus humban kita dalam neraka sebab dosa silam kita.


Korang mesti pernah dengar cerita pembunuh yang mati semasa hendak pergi ke masjid, jumpa ulama
Dia nak berubah. Tapi dia mati dipertengahan jalan.
Sampai malaikat bergaduh nak masukkan dia dalam syurga atau neraka.
Dan ditakdirkan dia masuk ke syurga, kerana jarak dia mati lebih hampir kepada masjid.
Nampak?

Nak berubah, kena mulakan dengan niat.
Jangan putus asa.

Kalau rasa nak rebah, nak putus asa juga?

Tak salah terbit rasa kecewa, putus asa, penat dan sebagainya untuk teruskan perjuangan
Tapi lepaskan perasaan tu pergi.
Jangan pendam.

Terpulanglah pada kau.
Nak pandang kegelapan tu sebagai ketakutan atau penunjuk jalan.



"Syurga tu ada. Tersedia buat yang mencarinya"

Monday, October 1, 2018

I tried




I walk around with a smile on my face.
When in reality all I feel is disgrace.
Life got me messed up on so many levels.
Everywhere i turn I see some more of my devils.
I try so hard to be nice and fit in.
But everytime I tried, I fail again.

I love my friends and I love my family.
But still, I feel like no one give a damn.
Every night its just another nightmare.
Really?

By now I shouldn't be scared.
But I'm terrified of what could happen.
Sometimes I'm scared of just nappin.
I got all these problems in my head.
Sometimes I wish I was dead.

I know it's not the solution.
But sometimes the air around here is like pollution.
While the good memories seem farther.

All I can say is that I've tried.

I know I've said sorry about a million times.
Some people say its not my fault but the others disagree.
But I can't really do anything else but say I'm sorry.

I know that I've hurt some friends.
And I wish that this pain would just end.

Why does the pain have to keep going on and on and on?
This torture has been going on for way too long.
So I'll fake a laugh and a smile then say nothings wrong.

All this pain, hurt and lies has building up and up inside.
I couldn't control myself so I wear long sleeves to hide,
Where the razor blade has marked my wrist and thighs.

Lonely nights,
Silent cries,
Saying I'm okay,
But its all just a lie.

Take the mask away, you'll see all the pain.
And all of sadness I could not escape.
But they'll go away and the scars will fade.
And I'll live to see another miserable day.

But its all fine.
I promise you that I'm okay.
I'll say I'm not bothered but I care about the things they say.

That I'm not good enough for anyone.
Been thinking about suicide and different ways it can be done.
Slit my wrist, hang myself, or maybe I'll use a gun.
So well done to you, I hope you're happy knowing that you won.

You've taken another innocent life.
Maybe a mother,
Maybe a child,
Maybe a wife,
I know it gets hard,
And I know it isn't fun,
But mental illness can take over anyone.

Do I really have to open up my mind?
Stop and freeze the time?
To tell you things were never right, I was never fine?
Life's getting crazier and crazier but it all same like a lie.
A big circle encircling the world that we live in, bearing no purpose of life.

Do I really need to rap this all out for you to finally realize?
To finally pay attention to my feelings, to finally break the ice?
To see through the thin layers of cries, the silence of things that went wry.
I'm desperately prying this metal cage, I'm giving it all in one try.

I tried, to salvage this feeling that was so long gone.
It was long lost, emotions always comes with a cost.
I'm stuck at this junction, this road that is crossed.
Memories paused, my heartbeat stopped just so I could feel my own pulse.

My own fault, things never went right cause I'm all wrongs.
All mistakes and missteps left not forgiven, we all beg and sob.
tears painting our pain on the soil, this love is a lost cause
You're long gone, I tried to forget you but I guess I still lost.

I know I got Elina but I feel like I'm pushing her away.
I don't show it but all i want is for her to stay.
People don't understand what i go through.
I don't even think the ones who say so do.

I struggle with anxienty and depression.
Sometimes I feel like I'm in a compression.
I feel so stuck and I feel so alone.

The choice I've made I don't condone.
I make stupid mistakes.

Nah, I don't think you can relate.

Most people try too hard but they just don't understand.
My emotions are like a tightly pulled rubberband.
Any moment I may break.

Trust me that'll be a mistake.
I take all these pills to try and be normal.

Wait,

What is normal anyways?



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