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Saturday, October 14, 2017

Give me strength

Have you ever felt so lost? Empty? Alone?
And completely give up on everything that is not worth fighting?

Well yes, I feel you.
I can't run away from those feelings sometimes especially because I'm always alone at home.

Oh Allah, I'm seeking for your bless.

If this endless problems and obtacles in life is one of Your plan to make me strong,then please.
Give me that stength.

Lead me to the right way.

I'm just a small boy in Your world.

Trying to learn the meaning of life.
Trying to love someone that can help me to get to your Jannah.
Trying to love someone that not love me back.
Trying to change every single bit of me,
That is so cruel, selfish and annoying. To a better one.

The fact is that I think everyone (except my bestfriends) is hurting.
And they want to see me fall and never get up again.
Which is just really devastating.

To be honest, I think I'm kind of grounded now.

I don't even want to open my phone.

Because there's no any text from you.

Haha I thought you'll come and find me.

But you're not.

Sorry for those who have texted me and didn't get any response.
It's just me, who don't want to open my own phone.

Because my hearts breaks,

Everytime I see your name.
Everytime I see your status.
Everytime I see your InstaStory.

Its hurts. Seriously. 

Its hurt, 

so much.

They rarely admit if they're jealous or hurting, don't know why?
Maybe its because they thought after all this time,
You'll find out by yourself.
You'll know what hurts them and try not to do that ever again.

Especially when you've done the same mistakes over and over again.

Dear someone,

I'm sorry I'm too fragile and sensitive.
I'm sorry I get mad because of small things.
I'm sorry I didn't mean to.

But yes, I can't fake a smile forever.
It's obviously just ... a waste of time?

Maybe some girls or boys (too) fake a smile so people won't ask them,
"Hey, what's wrong?" "Are you okay?" "Keep strong babe."
Listen to their problems, say it's okay. Chill.
And then leave. Is that how it really works?

Right now, I'm hard to get attached to someone.
But when I did, I really don't wanna to lose her.
But what can I do? If we're not meant to be together.

But I keep pray to God, asked Him to make us to be together.
I"ve keep praying for a year, and its still counting.
For the rest 8 years.

Maybe, maybe.
We're not really meant to be.
Okay, in that case, fate should step in and yes, I'll try my best to accept everthings.

What I really learned about life,
It goes on.

What I really learned about love,
It doesn't last.

What I rally learned about people,
They change fast.

Oh, this week is the saddest maybe.
I don't know why.
Too many tears were shed.
I just spent most of the week with sckething your picture.
Luckily, it works.

I seem to forget everythings for a while.
I sleep a lot too.
And I forgot to eat sometimes.

And this is my new job.


My stomach really hurts till now.
I'm not really sure what's happening but it fells like gastric.
Hence, when I knew you had been suffered from virus attack at school.
I'm bit worried.

I hope you get well soon.

I miss to see you smile.
Eventhough it's only from your handwriting-from your note


Urm, more painful?

I'm just like suffering this kind of someone-stabbing-at-my-stomach-with-a-knife
I felt it pain, more than a week so yes, I'm kind of afraid.
Maybe I'm gonna go to clinic tomorrow?

Well you, lucky that a doctor came and see you.

I hope that you'll recover faster.

Till now, I still remember the qoute that my ex-bestfriend used to love.

"Life is like a roller coaster. It has its ups and downs.
But it's your choice to either scream or enjoy the ride."

So hey, lets just stay positive.

Okay I should stop now.

It's 1.20 a.m. already.

Bye and sorry for any mistakes I've done.

Salam Alay'k



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